GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
