she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
