im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize