I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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