i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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