remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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