it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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