Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
