i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
