she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
