Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize