Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
