sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
