it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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