I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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