He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can I color on your dick again?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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