oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
