I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
