And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
