My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
