even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
