you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
