I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
