I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
