after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
