i was born a porn star she said
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
