you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
