I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
