and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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