so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she peed on how many people?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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