i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
