she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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