Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
two words...techno handjob
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
