i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
