dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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