I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
