I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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