Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
