You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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