He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
