honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
