I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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