WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
