dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
