who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
