Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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