i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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