So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
