with your own penis?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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