maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize