did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
