Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
