is your mom at the bar?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
In America we eat man semen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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