The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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