We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Randomize
