i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
