i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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