thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
