Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
