moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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