Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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