I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
