my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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