I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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