I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
