ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
