Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
