At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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