Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
