we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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