Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
