how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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