i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The police scanner is talking about you again....
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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